SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK
TLDR — Listen to DJ, please.
“Ugh, do we have to do this?”
“I’m scared; I don’t want to do presentations.”
“I hate this class; it’s going to be so much work.”
“I’m just going to get average marks.”
These were some of the thoughts I had going into COMM 395: Business Communications with DJ Miller. During course planning, I did a lot of investigating and RateMyProfessors research about the course and heard so many bad things about the presentations, workload, and why people hated it. Needless to say, my expectations were very low going into the term.
Hi, I’m Justin.
Personal background for context, I’m a 3rd year UBC Sauder student specializing in Business and Computer Science (BUCS) and am currently pursuing Software Engineering as a career. At the beginning of the term, I would have described myself as a bit nerdy, or at the very least quite geeky, which doesn’t really mix well with presentations and public speaking. I wouldn’t have said I was shy or insecure but reserved. I was quite sure of myself and who I was (I thought); I just never really showed it to others.
As DJ described, I did that man thing where I acted “cool” and emotionless every time I met someone new or gave a presentation because showing the real me was too scary. Like performing in front of a crowd, stepping into the spotlight was terrifying because I was scared of failure and rejection. So, I was contempt with staying backstage, in the dark.
As a result, I would often give off shy, unmemorable, and or boring impressions to others. At the time, I thought this was just who I was; so, I just accepted it.
This mentality of hiding also carried on into the rest of my life, not just in social settings. Sports were a huge part of my high school life; I played basketball from grades 8–12. I would always be one of the best players — passing, scoring, defending — when it was just with my teammates, and I felt comfortable. However, playing in-game in front of a crowd, especially in pressure situations, I always stiffened up and second guessed my every move.
I cared so much about the outcome and succeeding that I always tried playing the “right” way and doing the “right” moves instead of playing how I wanted to play, like in practice. Why? In the moment, I wasn’t sure. Looking back at it now, I feel like an idiot. Unfortunately, this habit stuck with me throughout high school, and I never really grew into a great player because of it.
Goals
I never really enjoyed public speaking and presentations, and I thought my personality wasn’t fit for them either. That’s why I initially dreaded taking this course, so I set two goals for myself: get at least average marks and replicate other “good presentations” to make mine “good” too.
Here We GO.
The term started out with a few smaller, easy presentations to get us warmed up and used to speaking in front of an audience. DJ also talked about the presentation toolbox, which is basically just advice and tips on how we can use our voice, eye contact, movement, etc. to make our presentations more interesting and engaging. He also emphasized “being yourself” and “finding your own style” to make your presentations great or whatever, but I didn’t really care about any of this and just ignored it (remember this, it’s important for later).
After a few long lectures and last-minute preparation, it was finally time for the first speech of the course — informative. Just like the title of the presentation implies, the goal was to educate our audience on a topic of our choice. For this, I basically looked at someone’s Ted Talk and tried replicating the way their delivery because it was memorable and informative.
After reviewing the recording now, I couldn’t help but cringe. My topic was “How to Get Started in Crypto Trading”, but I didn’t really know much about it. The content was kind of bland and my delivery was quite boring. It seemed memorized, like I was reading off a script, and I looked up and paused whenever I tried remembering my next line. My voice was also very monotonous, and the pacing was consistent enough to blur everything together. I basically ignored a lot of the advice DJ gave us, especially the “being yourself” part.
Despite all that, I was able to tick off enough boxes to receive average marks — really sticking to the “just get through it” mentality. I wasn’t very happy about it though because I was doing a course I didn’t really enjoy and not doing very well.
Rejection
Around the same time, I was in the process of getting rejected from about 60 different software development internships. A lot of my friends had completed internships and already landed placements at big tech firms. Since this was my first time searching, I felt immense pressure to find at least something — literally anything. I knew that without experience, I was at a disadvantage. So, I talked to a bunch of people who had landed internships and tried copying what they did, hoping it would work for me too.
I tried writing my resume and CV like they did, answering behavioral questions like they did, positioning my LinkedIn like they did, and networking like they did.
However, none of what I copied worked for me. Why?
Why was it that when I wrote my resume or CV the same way, I wasn’t hired? Why was it that when I answered questions the same way, I wasn’t hired? Why was it that when I had my LinkedIn the same way, I wasn’t hired? Why was I different? Why didn’t it work for me?
At this point, around late September, I hit rock bottom. I was doing a class I didn’t enjoy, learning almost nothing because I didn’t try, and was getting rejected left and right for the thing I did care about — job search. Not only did I have low self-esteem, but I also felt like I was an imposter — like I didn’t belong in the BUCS program with amazing and successful people going to FAANG (MAMAA) jobs when I couldn’t even work for a start-up.
I didn’t really care about much anymore. For a bit, I sat at home playing video games and watching videos instead of keeping up with lectures, but I soon got bored of that. A few days in, I came across a book I borrowed from a friend but put off reading: “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck” by Mark Manson. The author talked about a lot of things, but the biggest lesson I took away from it was that we, as a society, care too much about what other people think of us, and that if we stopped caring, we would live much better lives.
My Character Development Arc
After reading the book, I thought about why I felt so low. For the past month or so, I tried copying others who I thought were “successful” because I also wanted to be like them, successful. Presentation styles, LinkedIn profiles, resumes, CVs, interview answers, I tried copying everyone and everything, but none of it worked for me. Since other people’s techniques and styles didn’t work, I strongly believed I was an imposter and a failure because I couldn’t do things as well as others the way they did it. I focused so hard on landing an internship, giving a good speech, and being “successful” that I faked being others because, in my head, I wasn’t good enough for success.
Like I stated before, at this point, I didn’t really care anymore. So, I decided to stop caring so much and YOLO — to do a presentation my way, write my resume my way, and answer interview questions my way.
I decided to step into the spotlight.
So what if I get rejected or suck? I can’t fake my way into landing internships or giving good presentations, so I’ll just do them the way I feel like doing them.
With this newfound philosophy and approach, I started tackling the challenges of October. For the next big speech — persuasive — I spoke about my recent experiences by convincing people not to go into software development because the interviews are unfair and there is too much competition. In my next interviews, I answered questions in my own style and was open about my feelings and emotions. For example, when I felt nervous, I told the interviewer how I felt and why. When I felt excited, sad, lost, or proud in my stories, I would express that too.
This new approach ended up… working! I received an 86 for my persuasive speech and high marks for my other presentations. I was also able to land internships at Amazon, Deloitte, SAP, and other big tech firms, but why?
The Lesson — Save time, listen to DJ.
Turns out, all I had to do was be more me.
It’s not like I had completed any internships or delivered tons of great presentations from late September to October. I only changed one thing about myself; I stopped caring so much and, just like Mark Manson said, my life was better because of it.
What does it mean to be myself? Do things the way you want to do them.
Who cares if you fail? Just improve yourself for next time. Since I cared less, I was able to be myself and show more emotion; I felt confident and open.
This made me better for two reasons:
1. There are tons of great candidates and speakers, but there is only one me.
2. Showing emotion helps me be more relatable.
Only I know how to be myself, so being me is my competitive advantage — how I distinguish myself in an interview or make my presentation memorable. By showing emotion, the interviewer or audience can better understand me and why I do or did things, seeing a more human and relatable side.
And all it took was guts, just some courage to be instantly more “memorable and successful”.
In summary, if I listened to DJ’s lecture about “being yourself” and “finding your own style” in the beginning, I could’ve prevented a lot of grief. I probably could’ve avoided getting rejected by 60 different companies and delivering a mediocre informative presentation. This is probably the most impactful lesson I’ve learned in my life and my biggest takeaway from COMM 395.
Looking back, it blows my mind to realize that just by being myself, everything else came along with it. In my presentations, when I spoke from the heart, my content, voice, movement, eye contact, and every other presentation tool was elevated, which made me more engaging too. I wish I realized this lesson in high school. Who knows, maybe I could’ve made the NBA if I did?
I’m not guaranteeing that by “being yourself”, you will get instantly hired for every job or have everyone think your speech was amazing. However, I can guarantee that you will at least get hired for A job and SOMEONE will think your speech was great.
If you look around, the world is made up of differences — politics, social standards, ethics, sports, etc. We can’t impress everyone, so we shouldn’t focus on the things we can’t control, like success and outcomes.
Instead, let’s prioritize the things we can control: ourselves.
